


How the Petals Fall

by Stormage_dark_lord



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Cinder has issues, Cooking is hard, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, Fluff, Panic Attacks, Phone calls are hard, Post-Canon, Ruby tries to help, Screaming is cathartic, Semblance (RWBY), Slow Burn, asking for help is hard, redemption arc, talking about feelings, thats it that’s the fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:28:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29566809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormage_dark_lord/pseuds/Stormage_dark_lord
Summary: The last thing Cinder remembered was a flash of light and a searing pain. It was something she had experienced so long ago, but this time she had asked for it.She hadn’t been expecting to survive.Slow burn Fallen Petals with so much angst. Enjoy :)
Relationships: Cinder Fall/Ruby Rose
Comments: 27
Kudos: 69





	1. What Everyone Deserves...

The last thing Cinder remembered was a flash of light and a searing pain. It was something she had experienced so long ago, but this time she had asked for it. She hadn’t been expecting to survive.

When she woke up, she heard...a voice, one that grated at her soul and infuriated her, but she was too weak to do anything but seethe. As her eye adjusted she saw a red cape waving in the wind, and...a hand being offered to her? That didn’t seem right, “w-what...are you...doing?”

“I’m saving you.” The voice, that enthusiasm and joy, she hated it, “you need medical attention.”

Her vision fully cleared, and she saw the red-hooded hero, Ruby Rose, staring down at her with a kind smile. She was mocking her, she had to be, why else would her enemy smile at her and offer her help? It made her furious, and she reached for power that she no longer had. Cinder’s strength was gone, her safety, her protection, it was all gone, she had nothing, “k-kill me already,” she groaned as pain racked her body, “why am I...still alive?”

“Because everybody deserves another chance,” Ruby reached down and took Cinder’s hand, then pulled her up and lifted her over her shoulders like she was nothing.

She was nothing. Without her powers, she was just a girl, a victim of the world, she was at the bottom, and had no way to climb again. Her vision wavered as she was carried out of the crater, and then she blacked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


When she woke up again, Cinder was laying in a soft bed, four guards watching her and the doctor standing at her side. She started to sit up, but weapons were pointed at her, and a kind voice said, “conserve your energy, you need rest.”

“Where...am I?” Cinder knew this pain far too well, the inability to speak as she wanted, her body aching and unable to handle it. But this time was different, this time there was no arm woven from Grimm and magic, in fact there was no arm at all, not even a stump, and she realized how much the Grimm had taken from her.

“You’re in an Atlesian Military Hospital. General Schnee had you moved here at the request of one Ruby Rose,” the doctor smiled at her, “the girl was quite insistent you receive the best care we could provide.”

“What?” Cinder sat up, her head spinning as the guards brought their weapons closer. She needed answers, “Why?”

“Impressive,” the doctor wrote on a clipboard, “the reports I received explained that you were quite resilient, but it is still impressive to see you moving as much as you are.”

“Answer me.” She would have shouted, but it was enough of a strain to speak as she did.

“I’m afraid I don’t have the answers you’re looking for,” the doctor shrugged, “perhaps your interrogation will fare you better.”

Cinder growled, then coughed, her vision swimming as well. She was in no condition to go anywhere, as much as she hated to admit it, and she wasn’t going to be fighting out without her powers. So, with a resigned sigh, she laid back on the bed, “I’ll rest.”

“Very well, once you’re feeling better, we’ll try again.”

She watched the doctor walk away, then sneered at the guards before closing her eyes. It wasn’t the first time she had slept while threatened by death, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

She fell asleep quickly, unable to deny that her body was exhausted, but her mind was not. She dreamt of the same moment, again and again, her sworn enemy standing over her, and Cinder telling her to end it. Why hadn’t she? Why had she been allowed to live as a weak shell of what she had once been? Was this her hell, to be forever powerless and forced to live? She didn’t have the answers, and she hated that.

When she woke again it was by the prod of a gun to her chest, “You have a visitor.”

She fought the urge to slap the gun away and throttle the guard in front of her. It wouldn’t do her any good, not as she was, so she simply sneered and asked, “Why?” She didn’t get a response, but the guard stepped away to reveal Ruby, waiting patiently for something, “You.”

“Yeah, me,” Ruby smiled a bit, “I came by to check on you.” She approached and sat on the edge of the bed, “how do you feel?”

Cinder snarled, she couldn’t believe the audacity of this girl, to cripple her and then come to her bedside and mock her with an act of caring. As much as she wanted to strangle the girl, she wanted answers more, “Why am I still alive?”

Ruby seemed unfazed by the question, and she simply shrugged, “I’m not sure, you were definitely dead for a bit, because the maiden powers passed on, but you came back,” she smiled again, “I guess you’re really stubborn.”

“Why didn’t you kill me?”

“Why would I?” Ruby asked back, shocking Cinder, “Not to rub salt in the wound, but you were defeated, killing you would be more unnecessary violence.”

Cinder stared at the girl, “Why did you save me?”

“Oh, you remember that,” Ruby smiled again, this time also putting a hand on her leg, “you were in and out of consciousness when I carried you out of the crater, so I wasn’t sure if you would.”

“Answer me.”

“Because you deserve another chance. You’ve been a victim of Salem for years, but that doesn’t mean you’re lost. She’s gone, never coming back, and you have a life that you can still live.”

Cinder was struck silent, but that didn’t stop the rage building inside of her. How dare her enemy show her kindness when Cinder had shown her none? It was infuriating, and what little strength she had was used to lash out at her, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

The guards all pointed their weapons at Cinder but Ruby interrupted, “Stand down, she’s not a threat.” As if to prove exactly that, Ruby pushed her off of her, then stood and offered Cinder her hand, “Do you feel better?”

Cinder just glared up at her, then grabbed the bed and helped herself up, “Leave.”

“Yeah, okay,” Ruby sighed, dropping her arm and turning away, “I hope you get better soon.”

Cinder said nothing, but she silently hoped it would be the last time she ever saw Ruby again.

~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


That hope lasted exactly 4 years, 3 months, and 21 days. That was when she was given an offer she couldn’t refuse.

“Ah, Cinder, before our session is over,” her therapist stopped her, smiling kindly as he so often did, “I wanted to tell you that I’ve been instructed to offer you a deal.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Why? I’m barely into my sentence.”

“Yes, well, you’ve made great progress towards rehabilitation, and your situation is unique. So, the Atlesian government has decided to offer you a temporary probation,” he offered her a scroll to read, “you’ll be paired with a citizen of Vale, learn how to live a normal life, and if you have no problems within a year, the probation will become permanent.”

“And if I do have problems?” She swiped quickly through the text, it was mostly legalese.

“Then you will be returned to the custody of Atlas, and you will serve the remainder of your sentence here, without hope of any further probation,” he took the scroll as she handed it back, “this is a once in a lifetime offer, I suggest you take it.”

And she did, without so much as a second thought. It took all of three days for her to get put on an airship headed to Vale, the only things she had were the clothes on her back.

As soon as she landed, she wished she had given it more thought. Standing there, waiting for her with her damned red cape and silver eyes, was Ruby Rose. She had aged in the past four years, she was taller, she stood with more confidence, she looked more ready to take on the world than she had before, “Cinder,” she smiled as she approached the woman that had once been her mortal enemy, “I’m glad you took the deal.”

“That was your doing?” She felt the anger welling inside of her, and she clenched and unclenched her fist, trying to keep herself calm, “Why, how?”

“Hehe,” she laughed, and her smile just grew, “being a savior of Remnant has its perks.”

“That’s not an answer-“

“Maybe, but would you rather talk here, or somewhere warm?” Ruby offered her hand, “Come on, I’ll take you to my favorite coffee shop.”

Cinder refused the hand, “Fine, lead the way.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


“Welcome to  _ Coco’s Cocoa _ !” Ruby said while dramatically opening the door for Cinder, who cautiously stepped through.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” A woman with brown hair and sunglasses called over to them, and Cinder immediately went on the defensive, “You got your fix today.”

“Hey, Coco,” Ruby walked up to her and gave a charming smile, “Thought I’d bring Cinder here, show her around.”

“Cinder?” Coco lowered her sunglasses a bit, then smirked, “Hmph, how’s the former maiden doing?”

Cinder realized the question was directed at her, and she said quietly, “I’m out of prison, not much else to say.”

“Hmm, an apology would be nice,” Coco stepped around the counter, “so, the usual, Ruby?”

“You know it,” the red caped hero turned to Cinder, “what do you want?”

“I’m fine,” she looked away, “but thank you.”

“So polite,” Coco laughed, “I guess prison did you some good,” she turned back to Ruby, “I’ll get that out to you, go take a seat.”

Ruby nodded and gestured for Cinder to follow, which she cautiously did, joining the girl at a table near a large window, “So, what do you think?”

“I think you need to answer my questions,” Cinder placed her hand on the table, very close to snapping on her, “Why did you request this? What could you possibly gain?!”

Ruby stared out the window, her silver eyes not focusing on anything in particular, “You know...I hated you, at one point. You hurt me, my friends, my family, you took my home from me, you made life hell,” she drummed her fingers on the table, “but then, I saw what Salem did to you, and I realized you were just another victim, someone who had been twisted, but could still be saved. I made sure that you were treated well before you were put in prison, I practically begged for you to not be killed immediately, because I believed you deserved better.” She finally looked over at Cinder, and she smiled, “I still believe that, and even if this doesn’t work, I’ll still believe it. Everyone deserves another chance, but it’s up to them if they want to take it.”

Cinder didn’t return the smile, she didn’t say anything, but her hand curled on the table, and her eye darted away from the huntress.

And so they sat in silence, until Coco came by with two steaming mugs of coffee, placing one in front of each of them, “It’s on the house, this time.”

“You’re the best, Coco,” Ruby took the mug and sipped happily, “thank you so much.”

“Yeah yeah, just don’t expect it to happen again,” she looked over at Cinder and smiled, but said nothing else as she walked away.

Cinder watched her mug of coffee, not daring to touch it. Years ago, she would have assumed it was poisoned, but now, there was something different holding her back, something she didn’t quite understand, even after years of therapy.

“Hey, drink up!” Ruby pointed at her, and then the mug, “Coco wasn’t kidding when she said it wouldn’t happen again, so enjoy it.”

Her silver eyes bore into Cinder’s soul, so with a heavy sigh she picked up the mug and sipped it. It was still scalding hot, and were she a weaker person, she would have spit it out, perhaps screamed from pain, but she instead set the mug back down and tried to focus on everything besides the pain. The coffee was, beneath the intense heat, enjoyable, something Cinder had relished the smell of but rarely tasted. It made her feel...happy? No, that wasn’t right, she was...content. Yes, she was, in the moment, content.

“So? How is it?” Ruby’s smile grew wider, “Pretty good, huh?”

“It’s…” she stared down at the dark drink, seeing her reflection staring back at her, then nodded, “Yes, it’s good.”

Ruby pumped her fist and shouted, “Coco! You owe me 50 Lien!”

“Dammit!” Coco fake scowled from across the shop, “I’ll take a few off your tab, how’s that?!”

“Works for me!” Ruby giggled and drank the rest of her coffee, then leaned back in her chair with a satisfied sigh, “Hey, finish your coffee, I wanna show you where you’re gonna be staying.”

Cinder stared at the girl, then asked, “Were you...placing bets on me?”

“Will you threaten to kill me if I say yes?”

“I’ll pour scalding coffee in your lap,” she growled, raising the mug threateningly, “so answer me.”

“Okay, okay! It was only a few!” She raised her hands in mock surrender, “Don't waste perfectly good coffee on me.”

Cinder sneered, then brought the mug back to her lips and drank heavily, trying to calm her nerves by focusing on something else, “I’d rather not ruin this immediately,” she spat as she set the mug down, “let’s go.”

“Right, yeah,” Ruby got up as well, “see you, Coco, give Velvet my love!”

“Only once I’m dead!” She responded, making Ruby laugh.

“Alright, down this way,” again Ruby offered her hand, and again Cinder ignored her, choosing to follow closely instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  


“Welcome to your new home!” Ruby said proudly while opening the door. It was a two story building, close to Beacon, but far from the busy streets, “this is where I live when I’m not working, which is going to be a lot more until you get settled in.”

“I thought you were the savior of Remnant?” Cinder spat. The walk had exhausted her, which only made her angry at herself.

“Well, that title doesn’t pay the bills,” Ruby laughed nervously, “but it does make it easy to get jobs.” She walked towards a set of stairs just to the right, “Come on, I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

Cinder followed silently, not ready for what awaited her. She was led to a white door, identical to all the others in the hall, and when she opened it, she saw a simply furnished room. A bed, a desk, a closet, but none of those were what drew her attention. No, it was the long box sitting on the bed, topped with a red bow, “What is that?”

Ruby just smiled and nudged her forward, something that would have gotten her hit if it were years ago.

Cinder stared down at the box, dread filling her heart as she pulled the lid off and saw a flash of metal. Sitting at the bottom of the box, was an arm, and it broke her.

With a scream of rage she turned on Ruby and pinned her to the open door, “WHAT IS YOUR GAME?!” She kept herself from searing the girl’s throat with her semblance, but that didn’t stop her grip from tightening, “WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE I NEVER TRIED TO KILL YOU?!”

“I just...thought you’d like an arm that was actually yours,” Ruby didn’t seem scared, but she did grasp at Cinder’s hand to try and pull it away, “how long did you spend with a Grimm eating away at your body...turning you into something Salem could control?” She fell to the ground with a gasp, and barely had time to recover before she was shoved out of the room and the door was slammed shut.

Cinder didn’t cry, she was too strong to cry, but she did scream, a throat-tearing, heart-wrenching scream. Why was she being shown kindness? Why was she being given something she didn’t deserve?

Ruby had to be taunting her, that was it, showing her what could have been if she’d just been stronger. The twisted thought process only drew more screams from deep within, and the arm was sent flying, crashing against the door but staying together. It mocked her, with everything that could have been, and never was. She hated it, hated what it stood for, and she wanted to destroy it.

Before she was able, Ruby opened the door again, the pained look in her eyes as she picked up the arm making Cinder feel...regret. She didn’t like that either, “I’m sorry, for assuming. I’ll just...put it away.”

Ruby closed the door, and Cinder was left with more confusion and anger. Why was she apologizing? She had done nothing wrong-

The realization hit Cinder like a ton of bricks, and she sat on the bed, her anger replaced with more regret. She tried to dismiss it, but it just kept cropping up, so she tried to escape to her dreams. It didn’t work.


	2. ...A Second Chance

When Cinder awoke the next morning, she was set upon by tiredness, along with an ache in her heart that refused to leave. It begged her to apologize, to save herself from losing her one chance.

With a groan, she sat up, and nearly threw up. The feeling of emptiness in her stomach compounded on top of everything else, leaving her completely miserable. She struggled to stand, trudging slowly to the door.

She stepped on something sharp, and as she bent down to pick up the tiny scrap of metal, the events of the day before came rushing back. She closed her hand around it, letting the sharp points dig into her palm for a moment, then releasing a slow breath.

With her mind centered, or at least not focused on the past, she opened the door, and dragged herself downstairs. Cooking food assaulted her senses, making her stomach growl and her mouth salivate. She followed the smell, and found Ruby busying herself in the kitchen, preparing breakfast.

“Good morning.” Ruby said, not bothering to turn around as she flipped bacon in its pan, “Did you sleep well?”

Cinder didn’t want to admit that she had been plagued by regret, so instead she spoke under her breath, “I’m sorry for my behavior yesterday.”

“Huh?” Ruby finally turned around, and Cinder noticed her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying recently, “Did you say something?”

Cinder scowled, then took a deep breath and spoke a bit louder, “I...apologize for my behavior yesterday.”

“Oh,” Ruby turned back to the bacon, giving it a few more seconds before plating it, followed by fried eggs and toast, “it’s fine, you were stressed, I forced too much onto you.”

She liked that response, it absolved her of any wrongdoing, so why did she still feel miserable? It had to be the lack of food, it was affecting her mind, not letting her think clearly, “Is that for me?”

“Yeah,” Ruby scooped up both plates and walked past Cinder, setting them on opposite ends of a dining room table, then returning to the kitchen, “go sit down, I’m gonna have the coffee ready soon.”

Cinder did exactly that, sitting at the table and staring down at the plate. It looked delicious, she wanted so badly to eat and fill the emptiness in her, so why wasn’t she? She was telling herself to pick up a fork and dig in, but her body wasn’t listening. Was it the regret stopping her?

As soon as she thought that her heart grew heavier, and she looked away from the food, her hunger lost. She couldn’t bring herself to touch anything, not even when Ruby returned with two mugs and sat down herself.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Ruby asked, cutting into an egg and popping the bite in her mouth.

“I’m...not hungry.” She started to stand, but Ruby interrupted her.

“Cinder...you need to eat.” Ruby was trying to hide her hurt, she could tell, “You slept through lunch and dinner yesterday, so you have to be hungry.”

“I’ve spent months eating little to nothing, one day isn’t going to affect me.” Again she tried to leave, and again Ruby interrupted her.

“Please, Cinder, you should take care of yourself.”

“I am fine.” She said, before jumping back as Ruby slammed on the table.

“You aren’t! So sit down and eat your damn food!” Behind the anger was sadness and concern, all of it directed at Cinder.

She knew it would be childish to refuse again, and her dignity kept her from sinking that low. She slowly sat back down, then took equally slow bites. It was good, but she didn’t let it show on her face.

By the time she finished, most of the food had gone cold, and she was barely able to bring herself to look at Ruby and say, “thank you for the meal.”

“Yeah,” Ruby sighed and looked away, “I’ll clean up, don’t worry about it.”

Cinder watched her, her heart sinking with every passing moment. She needed to do something, it was killing her, the terrible weight on her heart, “Ruby…” she didn’t know where she was going as she started speaking, but it didn’t stop her, “my behavior yesterday, it was completely out of line, and I need to apologize,” she looked away for a moment, “I realize you were simply trying to be nice, and to lash out as I did was...not fair to you.”

“Oh,” Ruby smiled, “I told you, it was my fault-“

“But it wasn’t,” Cinder couldn’t let her take the blame, as much as she wanted to, “you…didn’t do anything wrong, and…” the next words were hard for her to get out, “I appreciate how much you are trying to do for me.”

“Heh,” Ruby smiled wider, “apology accepted.”

Seeing that smile lifted the weight off of her heart, not completely, but enough that she felt better, “would you like help cleaning up?” The words just came out, and she bit back the sigh that she wanted to let out.

“No, it’s okay, it’s not much,” Ruby got closer and picked up her plate, “but, if you want to help, make a list of the things you need, we’ll go shopping later.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


“Alright, first thing on the list?” Ruby turned to Cinder, smiling as they walked through the streets of Vale.

“Clothing.” Cinder handed her the paper list.

“Uhh, you know a list needs more than one thing to be a list, right?”

“That is all I need,” Cinder explained, “as you have made clear, you don’t make a lot, and I have no income of my own.”

“First off, I never said I don’t make a lot,” Ruby corrected, “I have an insane amount of money in my reserves, not, like, Schnee levels of money, but still plenty, and secondly, you don’t need to worry about having a job, yet,” she shook her head, “come on, I’ll take you to the place I get my clothes tailored, and we’ll come up with more things there.” She offered her hand.

“Lead the way.” If Cinder could have crossed her arms, she would have. The girl clearly didn’t understand, but that was all she needed, anything else was a waste of time and money that she did not have.

“Right,” Ruby dropped the hand awkwardly, “it’s this way, not far at all.” She started walking effortlessly through the crowded streets. Cinder followed, with greater difficulty, but she still managed to stay close. After a few minutes of this, Cinder caught up to Ruby in front of a shop, “just right in here.”

Cinder followed her inside, startling at the voice of the shop owner, “Ruby Rose! What can I do for you? Put another hole in your hood?”

“No, not this time,” Ruby giggled, and pointed to Cinder, “she needs...well, a lot, but a set of clothes that’s her own would be a good start.”

Cinder studied the tailor as she approached, a tall, thin woman, her purple eyes filled with warmth as she sized Cinder up. She seemed familiar, but she couldn’t tell why.

“Yes, she could definitely use something more,” her smile turned to a frown, “unfortunately, I have to decline.”

“What? You’ve never shied away from a project before-“

“Don't mistake my dismissal as inability, I am perfectly capable of creating a wonderful set for her. However, ms. Fall is on my do not serve list.”

Cinder furrowed her brow, then put the pieces together, “you’re the woman that designed our clothes for the dance at Beacon.”

“At risk of death, and without a single Lien paid,” she shook her head, “I trust you, Ruby, and if she is in your company then I trust she will not attempt to do so again, but I will not serve her.”

Ruby looked at Cinder and started to speak, but Cinder interrupted her, “what will it take to make it better?”

“Hmm, paying what you owe for those clothes would be a good start,” she saw Cinder look away and sighed, “you have no Lien?”

“I was planning on paying,” Ruby insisted, “I will pay her debt, and whatever the cost of the clothes you tailored today would be.” She pulled out her wallet, “how much is it?”

The tailor looked at Ruby, then at Cinder, then back at Ruby, “2500 Lien,” she took the money as Ruby handed it to her, then pointed towards a spot surrounded by mirrors, “go stand over there, Ms. Fall, I'll get your measurements.”

As Cinder did as she was asked, she couldn’t help but study herself in the mirror. Her amber eye was tired, dark bags forming from days of restless sleep. Her short, black hair was shaggy and uneven, and still covered most of the X-shaped scar over her dead eye. She had lost the eyepatch she once wore, and when she pushed her hair aside, she could feel the years of pent up anger welling up again. This scar, her arm, they were Ruby’s fault. She took a deep breath, and shakily let it out, it would do her no good to snap now, she needed to stay calm.

“Stand straight, your measurements will be off if you slouch,” the tailor came up behind her, “you know, you’re lucky to have that girl,” she said it under her breath, “if I was the one stuck with you, I’d make you work your ass off for the chance to get something like this.”

Cinder didn’t know how to respond, so she stayed quiet, watching the tailor work in the mirror.

“Hmph, not very talkative, huh?” She sighed and shook her head, “well, how about I ask some questions you have to answer. What’s your style?” Cinder didn’t respond, and she sighed, “I remember what you wore when you came in here, that crimson dress with the gold accents, it was beautiful, but I can tell that’s not your style anymore, so what is?”

“Black and gold, something long, something to cover this,” she gestured to her missing arm, “and, a new patch, for my eye.”

“Hmph, I can work with that, I suppose,” she tucked her tape measure away, “stay here, I’ll be back in a moment.”

She walked away, and before Cinder could do anything, Ruby walked up, looking at her through the mirror, “I hope I didn’t upset you, by paying off your debt,” she sighed and looked down, “I know you don’t want to ask for help, and I’m sorry for forcing it onto you. If you want, we’ll stop after this, and we can head back.”

Cinder turned to look at Ruby, “no, we’ll keep going,” she sighed as well, “I...appreciate what you are doing for me, but I do not want to rely on you, so any further Lien you spend on me, I will pay back.”

“It’s a deal,” Ruby looked up and smiled, then offered her hand to shake. Cinder took it, “so, where to after this?”

“I could use a scroll,” she saw the glint in Ruby’s eye and scowled, “second hand if we can, I do not wish to be indebted to you for life.”

“You crossed that line when I pulled you out of that crater,” Ruby smiled and chuckled, “but I understand, we’ll get something cheap.”

Cinder’s scowl deepened, “do not joke about that.”

“Right, sorry,” she rubbed her neck, “so, I wanted to ask...about the arm-“

“If you are going to ask me to wear it, I am going to say no,” Cinder tried to stay calm as she spoke, but just the idea hurt her heart.

“No! That’s not it, I just…” she looked away, “you know what, nevermind, we can talk later.”

And just like that, Cinder was hurting again. Everything she did seemed to hurt Ruby, and that just made her hurt as well. She hated it, hated that she was being forced to feel things she had lived most of her life never worrying about. She knew it was necessary, but seeing how Ruby acted made her wish it wasn’t, “Ruby, what is it?”

“It’s fine, we’ll talk about it later,” she sighed, “somewhere safer.”

And the regret was gone, replaced by anger. Ruby clearly didn’t trust her to control herself, and whether that was accurate or not didn’t matter. She sneered and turned away, “fine, later.”

The anger stayed as the tailor returned, festering inside of her. Even as she replaced her drab clothes with the black and gold-accented dress.

It was similar to what she had worn in Mistral, but lacked sleeves entirely. Instead, a cloak like she’d worn in Atlas was draped over the empty space where her arm should have been and was clasped over the opposite shoulder. The right side was left open starting at her hips, barely showing off a pair of black shorts and thigh high boots. Her new eyepatch was accented with gold trim, though it was barely visible as she let her hair hang over it.

“So, is it to your tastes?” The tailor asked, a smug grin on her face.

“It’s...good,” she turned around to look all of herself up and down, “thank you, for this, I know you didn’t want to.” She tried to keep her anger from seeping into her words.

“Well, you’re right about that,” she sighed, “but Ruby is a good person, so if she vouches for you, then I guess you can’t be too terrible,” she grabbed Cinder’s arm, “but next time, you’d better have your own Lien.” She released her, and walked over to the counter, “so, Ruby, let’s talk about how much you owe me now.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Ruby smiled, waving for Cinder to join her, “1000, 1500?”

“I’m not trying to rob you,” the tailor chuckled, “500 for this one, and 300 for any extras you’ll be needing, I’d recommend two or three.”

“Of course you would,” Ruby stuck her tongue out and then laughed, “three sound okay? That’ll give you four pairs total.”

“I can do the math,” Cinder huffed, “but yes, thank you.”

“Alright, your total is gonna be...1400 even,” she took the Lien Ruby gave her without a question, “you two have a good day, I’ll send the others to your address tomorrow, should have them done by then.”

“Thank you very much!” Ruby smiled and walked out, followed by Cinder, who avoided looking at Ruby, “so, let’s go get you a scroll, and then…” she looked back at Cinder, “a haircut, then we’ll grab a quick lunch and head back home.”

Cinder scowled and touched her hair, “I don’t need it cut.”

“You need a trim, to make you look less like you’ve been cutting it yourself,” Cinder turned her head and scoffed, “oh, Brothers, you have been, haven’t you?”

“If I say yes will you shut up?”

“No, but I’ll stop myself from laughing,” Ruby giggled quietly, “so, scroll, haircut, lunch, sound good?”

Cinder sighed, “fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  


“I have to say, you look good,” Ruby smiled in between bites of ramen, “what do you think?”

Cinder studied herself with the camera of her new scroll, then set it down and took a bite of ramen. She didn’t want to admit that Ruby was right, especially right now, so she shrugged and continued eating.

“You know, for someone who monologued at me every time we fought, you don’t talk much,” Ruby joked and missed Cinder’s grip tightening on her chopsticks, “I can tell you’re thinking of something, so...why don’t you tell me?”

“I’m not,” Cinder growled, “I’m simply focusing on my food.”

“If you say so,” Ruby took a few more bites, then frowned as her scroll buzzed. She pulled it out, then paled as she saw what it said, “shit, I completely forgot!” She started eating faster, and Cinder watched with confusion.

“Something wrong?”

“Less talking, more eating!” Ruby gasped, nearly avoiding choking on her food.

Cinder sighed, but started eating faster. When she was finished, Ruby threw some Lien on the table, and stood up, not offering Cinder an explanation as she started speeding away, forcing her to catch up. She nearly lost track of Ruby a few times, but the girl was erratic enough that she would see her bounding through the crowds and try to catch up.

Eventually, Cinder realized where she was heading, and no longer needed to keep track of her as they reached Ruby’s house. At the front door, not paying attention to anything else as she knocked on the door, was Nora Valkyrie.

“Ruby, come on, open up!” She wasn’t shouting at the top of her lungs, but she was close, “Don't tell me you slept in again?!”

“Nora!” Ruby smiled and burst into petals before reforming in front of her, and then hugging her tight, “I’m so sorry, I was out of the house and I got caught up in things-“

“Ruby, it’s fine,” Nora smiled and ruffled her hair, which was strange considering that Ruby was taller than her, “honestly I was more worried one of your neighbors was going to…” she trailed off as she finally noticed Cinder standing away, but watching them, “oh, that’s right, she’s here now.”

“Yeah, that’s why I was out, we were grabbing some things for her, and then we grabbed lunch, and-“ she took a deep breath and stopped herself, “let’s go inside.” She opened the door, waving Nora in, then looked over at Cinder and waved silently for her.

Cinder frowned, then sighed and started walking up to the door. When she got close enough, she glared at Ruby, “you didn’t tell me about this.”

“I know, I’m sorry, Nora comes over once a month to catch up,” Ruby chuckled, “also mostly to brag about her kids, which I’m fine with,” she saw the look of anger on Cinder’s face and sighed, “you don’t have to stay downstairs, I’m not gonna make you talk with her if you don’t want to.”

Cinder’s brow furrowed, “I’ll stay.” She walked inside, ignoring the way Nora’s eyes followed her. She leaned against the wall in the living room, staring silently back at Nora as they all congregated near her, “Say something,” Cinder hissed, “I know you want to.”

“Oh, I don’t even know where to begin,” Nora walked up to Cinder, a threatening figure even considering her stature, “you spent years making our lives absolute hell! The Vytal festival, the fall of Beacon, Pyrrha-“ her voice cracked, and she fought back tears as she shoved Cinder, “you took her from us, it’s been years, and I miss her more everyday! It should be her standing here, not you!”

“I agree.” Cinder spoke quietly, refusing to look directly at Nora, “I can not take back the suffering I have inflicted on you, the loss you have been forced to deal with, but…” she sighed, “Every moment I spend alive is another moment I am forced to atone for my sins, the things I have done haunt me, and I wish nothing more than to be free of them.” Her eye closed, and she saw the girl, Pyrrha, dying in front of her, “I know an apology is nothing compared to what I have done, but for all of the loss and pain I have caused you, I am sorry.”

Nora looked down at the floor, then punched Cinder hard in the stomach. She didn’t flinch, didn’t even recoil, but it hurt like hell, “I’m sure...if Pyrrha were here, she would have accepted that apology, well, I’m not her.”

“Nora-“ Ruby tried to interject, but Cinder raised her hand.

“That is fair,” she opened her eye, and looked down at Nora, “do what you want, I’m not going to stop you.”

Nora finally looked up at her, tears pouring out of her eyes as stepped back and shook her head, “just, go away, please.”

Cinder nodded, leaving the living room and going upstairs, but stopping at the top to listen to Ruby and Nora talk.

“Nora, you shouldn’t have-“

“She killed Pyrrha, Ruby!” Cinder listened to Nora shout, “she killed her in front of you, how can you just forgive her for that, and everything else?!”

“I haven’t forgiven her,” Ruby said calmly, “I just understand her more,” she heard Nora groan, “she’s a victim, Nora. She has been abused her entire life, just like Emerald was,” she heard Nora suck in a breath, “the only difference is Emerald got out before it got too bad.”

“But, everything she’s done-“

“I’m not saying it was okay, but that’s why she’s here, I want to help her atone, in a way that’s better than what she got for killing Pyrrha.”

Cinder touched her eyepatch, then her shoulder, and listened closer, “I just...I don’t understand how you can just...help her!”

“That’s what I do, Nora, that’s why I became a huntress, to help people. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

Nora sighed, “fine, I will trust you, and only you.”

“Thank you. I’ll make sure she’s not around next time, if that will be easier?”

“Please,” Nora sounded resigned, “so, have you met Lily yet?”

“I wish! I’ve seen all the pictures Yang has sent me, she’s so cute!”

The conversation drifted away from Cinder, and she sighed before quietly stepping into her room, taking care to not make a sound until she sat on her bed. Then, she grabbed a pillow, and screamed into it.

She was furious, that she had been put into her position, that she couldn’t just be better, that she couldn’t just be dead. It would be so much easier, for everyone, if she died.

As much as she thought that, she knew it meant nothing, she was weak, a coward, she’d tried to end it before, and nothing came of it. Gods, what did Ruby see worth saving? She wasn’t worth saving, she was so certain of it.

But if that were true, then she wouldn’t have taken the deal, the tiny, sane voice in her mind whispered. If she wasn’t worth saving, then why was Ruby trying?

She didn’t understand, and it drove her insane. It made her so angry, and she had no outlet, so she just screamed more.


	3. Trying to Understand

“Cinder,” Ruby knocked on her door a few hours later, “can I come in?”

She wanted to say no, to tell Ruby off in a million different ways, but instead she sighed, “Come in.” The door creaked open, and she kept herself from looking over, “What do you want?”

“I...I wanted to apologize for how Nora acted, if I’d known that was going to happen, I would have asked her to leave-“

“Then why didn’t you do it afterwards?” Cinder scowled. She hated that Ruby was so blatantly lying to her, it was insulting, to her emotions and her intelligence, “You stayed down there and talked for hours.”

“Well, I-“

“You don’t care what happens,” Cinder growled, “as long as you can act like the girl that saves everyone, it doesn’t matter what actually goes on.”

“That’s not fair-“

“Not fair?” She growled louder, “You know what’s not fair, losing an arm and an eye to some child with magic eyes who wanted to play hero,” she sat up and glared at Ruby, “what’s not fair is being forced to accept a Grimm that slowly ate away at my body,” she got out of bed, and her hand started to glow, “what isn’t fair, is being tortured and used and beaten again and again, all for a child to decide that I deserve to keep suffering!” A knife formed in her hand, and she threw it straight past Ruby before stomping up to her, “stop pretending like you care and leave me alone!” She slammed the door shut, and felt satisfied as it struck Ruby in the face and she heard her stumble back.

“Cinder, please-“ Ruby started to open the door, and Cinder slammed herself against it, making Ruby yelp with pain. It made Cinder feel good, inflicting the pain on her, “Will you just listen to me?!”

“No, you listen!” Cinder shouted through the door, “I didn’t ask you to save me, I didn’t ask you to do any of this,” she fought back tears, “I told you to kill me, but you were too much of a coward! You couldn’t kill someone who deserved it, so now you’re forcing them to live!”

“Cinder-“

“Shut up!” She struck the door, and smiled through her anger as she heard Ruby step back, “Just leave me to die!”

She heard what she thought was Ruby walking away, and stepped back from the door herself. There was a moment where the only sound was Cinder’s heavy breathing, and then she screamed.

Why didn’t she understand? What was so difficult that Ruby couldn’t just let her die? Why did she have to play the savior?

All those questions, all her emotions, everything she had, she put it into that scream. Her throat burned and her eye cried unwanted tears, and she kept screaming. Her hand went up to her head, grabbing a fistful of hair, and she pulled hard. It wasn’t enough to pull any hair out, but it cut her scream short, and she was left empty.

She stayed empty for hours, ignoring how her scroll buzzed with concerned messages from Ruby, ignoring the hunger that slowly set in, ignoring everything except how empty she was.

Eventually, the messages stopped, and Cinder felt like she had won, until her door flew open, and she saw Ruby standing there, glaring at her, “Downstairs. Now.”

“No.” Cinder glared back at her, then was shocked as Ruby walked up to her, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her out of bed. She hit the ground with a hard thump, and was dragged to the doorway before she shouted, “gods, let go of me!”

“No.” Ruby dragged her down the stairs while Cinder fought to free herself and protect her head. At the bottom, she was dragged into the living room and effectively thrown onto the couch, while Ruby walked into the dining room, and brought back a chair, “We need to talk.”

“You could have said-“

“Don't you fucking start!” Ruby looked like she was about to snap, her eye twitching as she sat down, “You won’t just listen to me, all you respond to is violence, so you know what, I’ll play your game,” her silver eyes glowed menacingly, “What the fuck is your problem?”

“My problem?!” Cinder slapped her hand on the couch, “You are the problem!”

“All I’ve done is try to help and support you!”

“I didn’t ask you to!” Cinder hit the couch again, “I told you to kill me, to just let me die!”

“I wasn’t going to do that, Cinder,” Ruby sighed, “you didn’t deserve it, you don’t deserve it.”

“That’s not your choice to make!” Cinder growled, “You don’t get to decide who lives and dies!”

“Do you think it was an easy choice to make?!” Ruby said bitterly, “Do you think that I just decided to save you? I had to beg for your life, every step of the way! I lost friends, family, my-“ she let out a choked sob, “my girlfriend.”

Cinder was stunned, and she defaulted to sass with her response, “Why did you think that was a good idea?”

“We saved Emerald, and later Mercury, I didn’t understand why you were any different,” she wiped her tears and continued to stare at the floor, “I still don’t. You did terrible things, but Emerald and Mercury were just as complicit. They got their chances, why wouldn’t you?” She looked up at Cinder, “Jaune, Penny, W-Weiss, we haven’t spoken in years, Nora coming over once a month is the most she ever does, my own sister,” she choked on another sob, “she ‘forgot’ to tell me her wife was pregnant and had a kid, but at least she feels bad enough to send me pictures of them being happy.”

“Why would you put yourself through that?” Cinder whispered, “Why would you hurt yourself so much for someone that doesn’t deserve it?”

“You’re not just someone,” Ruby slammed her hand against her leg, “you are Cinder Fall. You grew up in Mistral, stuck in, from what I could discover, a trafficking ring. You were adopted and abused by a woman in Atlas, then dropped off of the map before coming back under the wing of Salem,” she looked Cinder in the eye, “an immortal witch that abused you, ‘saved’ you by fusing a Grimm to your body and letting it consume you, and when you stopped being useful, got rid of you,” Ruby wiped a few more tears away, “you’ve suffered more than any person deserves, you deserve peace, and a chance at a better life.”

Cinder watched Ruby, trying to understand everything, trying to understand Ruby, “Why…” she couldn’t find the rest of the question. Her mind, her heart, neither could wrap themselves around the enigma of Ruby.

“I’m sorry, that was a lot to just...say,” Ruby shook her head, “my point, is that you deserve help, you deserve people that care about you. I know that’s hard to accept, but it’s true, and if no one else will back you up,” she gave a dazzling, hopeful smile, “you’ll always have me.”

Oh. Cinder didn’t know how to respond to that, but she still felt something. There was a warmth in her chest, tiny, but not insignificant, and though it was surrounded by what she considered emptiness, it refused to be smothered. As it started to burn, she found the words, “Ruby...I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I...don’t deserve it, but...thank you, for supporting me.”

“Heh,” Ruby’s smile got brighter, “well, we’ll work on that self-deprecation, but the rest is accepted,” she giggled, “and, I apologize too, for attacking you like this.”

“No, don’t,” Cinder sighed and sat back, “I needed it, to...get out of my funk, as my therapist used to say,” she smirked, “I hated it, but I can’t deny it’s effectiveness.”

“Oh my gods, did you just smile?” Ruby exclaimed with mock shock, “You did, didn’t you?”

Cinder wanted to drop her smirk, but instead it grew into a full smile, “Be lucky, I don’t do this for just anyone.”

“And a joke?!” Ruby exaggeratedly fainted off of her chair, “Oh, Brothers, what world have I ended up in?”

“Alright, that's enough,” Cinder’s smile left her face, but not her heart, “I know it’s late, but would you mind if I use the kitchen to make something?”

“Why would I say no?” Ruby asked, then her eyes went wide, “Oh, I haven’t eaten either,” she closed her eyes and slapped herself in the forehead.

“Well, why don’t you teach me to cook something?” It felt like the right thing to say, “That way, I don’t unintentionally burn your house down.”

“Do you seriously not know how to cook?” Ruby asked incredulously, before shaking her head, “You know what, don’t answer, yes I will help you.”

“Thank you,” Cinder stood up and made for the kitchen, but Ruby burst into petals and got there first, “worried about something?”

“Nope, just…” Ruby floundered for a moment, then sighed, “yeah, I am,” she started looking through the cabinets, “a lot of my stuff is old, gifts from my dad, my mom’s stuff, he thought I’d like to have it,” she grabbed a frying pan and set it on the stove, “it means a lot to me, and…you know.”

“I’m rough, rude, and angry?” Cinder huffed, earning a slow nod, “Fine, I promise to be careful.”

“Thank you,” she turned back to the stove, “so, what are you hungry for?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Well, that’s just wrong,” Ruby shook her head, “this is your thing, you get to decide what you cook, I’m just here to make sure you do it right.”

Cinder sighed, “Just pick something.”

“This time, but you have to choose the rest,” Ruby walked over to the fridge, “grilled cheese, really easy to make, really hard to get wrong, a nice, quick meal.” she returned to the stove with a block of cheese, and butter, then grabbed the bread from the counter above her, “Butter two pieces of bread, place one butter side down in the pan, put the cheese on top, then the last piece butter side up,” she explained all of it while performing the actions as well, “cook for about a minute, then flip, another minute, and you’re done!” As it finished cooking, she plated the sandwich, turned off the stove, and stepped back, “Think you can do it, do you want help?”

Cinder nodded, “I don’t think I’ll need your help.” it was simple, there was no way she could mess it up.

~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Cinder stared at the charred mass of food in front of her, a mixture of anger and sadness driving her to the edge. She wanted to laugh, to scream, at her own ineptitude, her inability to do something so simple. Instead, she picked it up, and took a small bite. It tasted awful, and it was hard to hide it.

“You don’t have to eat that,” Ruby said again, “you can have half of mine, or I can make you a new one.”

“Failure should be punished,” Cinder said through gritted teeth, forcing herself to swallow another bite, “this is my punishment.”

Ruby sighed loudly, drawing her attention from the third bite she was going to force herself to take, “Failure is a lesson, just like success,” she sounded older as she spoke, “you can either learn from it, or you can let it keep you down,” she smiled to herself, “my dad told me that, after I came home crying because I got a bad grade in math. It wasn’t even a bad grade, it was a B, but I thought, if I wasn’t perfect immediately, I was never going to become a huntress,” she laughed at herself, “after he told me that, I came home with my next test, and it was a C, but I wasn’t crying.”

“So you got worse, and didn't learn anything,” Cinder scowled, “I’m failing to see the lesson you’re obviously trying to impart.”

“I learned something. Life’s about failing, over and over again, and never letting that wear you down,” she slid her plate across the table, then stood up and took the burnt sandwich from Cinder’s hands, “if you don’t do well, try again, if you do worse, keep trying, eventually, you’ll get it right,” she smiled at Cinder, then walked to the kitchen, “eat that, I’ll make myself another.”

Cinder shook her head. She had failed, time and time again, and she had never gotten it right. Maybe she didn’t deserve to get it right. The thought stayed on her mind as picked up Ruby’s sandwich and took a bite. It was so much better, and it wasn’t long before she had eaten the whole thing.

“Wow, you were really hungry,” Ruby smiled as she sat down and started eating her new sandwich, “it’s good, right?”

“When done properly, yes, it is,” Cinder stood up, “I’ll clean up.”

“Oh, thank you,” Ruby looked shocked for a moment, then nodded and smiled, “hey, if you want to go upstairs after, that’s fine, but there’s a tournament on tonight, so, I thought you might want to watch it.”

Cinder shook her head, “No, thank you, but…” she touched her shoulder, “you wanted to talk.”

“Oh,” Ruby sighed, “you know, I don’t know if we actually should talk about that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re gonna get mad as soon as I say it.”

Cinder frowned, “Well, I’m going to be just as upset if you don’t, now.”

Ruby watched her for a moment, then nodded, “Okay, so,” she tapped the table, “I realized, I offered you a huge commitment, like, bigger than I realized,” she gestured to Cinder’s arm, “you, don’t have...the, uh...well I don’t know what’s it called, but the part that lets your body actually, you know, use the arm.”

“I’m aware,” Cinder scowled. She had been offered the interface on multiple occasions during her time in the hospital, and later in prison. She had refused, obviously, because she didn’t need it, “why are you bringing this up?”

“Because, at some point,” she rubbed the back of her neck, “you’re going to need it.”

“No.”

“Cinder…” Ruby started to argue, then sighed, “Nevermind, I shouldn’t push you.”

Cinder nodded, and retreated to the kitchen, treating the few dishes there with care. She was used to this kind of work, even if she hadn’t done it in years, and had both arms at the time.

She started to get lost in her old memories, her muscle memory taking over as she did so. It had been so much harder then, she always had to be perfect, and perfection was an ever changing goal. She had always tried to be the best, up to the fateful night that perfection became impossible.

She set down the pan, her hand wet, and moved to pick up a glass. She picked it up, and then it slipped between her fingers and went crashing to the ground.

Suddenly, she was so much younger again, staring down at the shards with horror, then dropping to her knees and scrambling to pick them up. She heard footsteps approaching and worked faster, ignoring the pain in her hand as the glass cut her. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she froze, “I’m sorry, it was an accident, I didn’t mean to-“

“Shh, it’s okay,” Ruby kneeled down with her, much more carefully picking up the remaining shards, “it’s just a glass, it doesn’t matter.”

Cinder shook her head, feeling the faded scars on her neck flare to life, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s just a glass,” Ruby carefully pried Cinder’s hand open, taking the bloodied shards from her, “you should heal that.”

Cinder looked down at her hand, watching the blood well out of the cuts. As she closed her hand into a fist, the cuts stung until her aura washed over her, and when she opened again, the cuts were gone.

“So, what happened?” Ruby sat on the ground, watching Cinder with concern, “I’ve never seen you like that, so...afraid.”

“I wasn’t afraid, I’m not!” Cinder growled, baring her teeth at Ruby.

“Okay,” Ruby raised her hands in surrender, “not afraid, but there was still something. Is it like, PTSD? A trigger or something?”

“I don’t have PTSD,” she growled again. She had had this same conversation with her therapist, “I am fine.”

“Not to disagree with you, but you’re not fine,” Ruby sighed, “you were freaking out, picking up the glass like your life depended on it, and when I came in, you just froze and started apologizing, which...isn’t a thing you do often, not without some coaxing anyways.”

“You said these were important to you, I felt bad.”

“Okay,” Ruby nodded, clearly not believing her, “well, don’t let it worry you, it’s just a glass, and you didn’t do it on purpose,” she stood up and offered Cinder a hand, which she ignored, “so, you going up?”

“Yes, I think so.” Cinder walked out of the kitchen, but not before looking back at Ruby and saying, “I am sorry.”

“I know,” Ruby smiled and nodded, “have a good night.”

“Yeah, you too.”


	4. What Happens in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter, but full of that sweet L O R E :)

Cinder woke up in the middle of the night, empty dreams leaving her mind as she heard...something. She wasn’t sure what, but it was enough to get her out of bed.

She crept to her door and listened for a moment. There were voices, one was Ruby’s, the other...she wasn’t sure. Curiosity got the better of her, and she silently moved from her room to the hallway, the voices becoming clear enough that she could understand.

“Please, I just need to speak to Weiss,” Ruby sounded like she was begging, “I know she’s still working, please!”

“As I’ve told you, miss Rose, Ms. Schnee is not taking any calls at this moment-“

“Will you please at least tell her that I’m calling?” Ruby asked.

There was silence, and Cinder took the time to creep down the stairs, being careful to move without a sound. She saw Ruby sitting in front of the television, a video call displayed across it, with a woman sitting at a desk.

“very well, I will be with you in a moment.” The woman turned away and picked up a scroll, “Ms. Schnee? Yes, there’s a Ruby Rose calling to speak with you, and she refuses to-“ she stopped for a moment, “Ms. Schnee, are you sure? No, I’m sorry, I just-yes, I’ll connect her through,” she sighed and turned to Ruby, “she’ll speak with you now.”

The screen flashed, and there was Weiss Schnee, her blue eyes staring disapprovingly at Ruby, “Ruby, what do you want?”

“Weiss,” Ruby’s voice was filled with happiness, “I wanted to talk, it’s been so long, and I thought-“

“Do you know why it’s been so long, Ruby?” Weiss waved her pale hand, and Cinder noticed there was a silver ring on her finger, “In case you’ve forgotten, it’s because of your obsession with that murderous woman!”

“Weiss, I know you don’t like my choices, but-“

“That’s an understatement, Ruby!” Weiss slammed her hands down on her desk, “She killed our friends, she tortured others, she made our lives absolute hell, she stabbed me!” She hit her desk again, “She brought me within an inch of life, and you think I want to forgive her?!”

“I’m not asking you to forgive her, Weiss, I’m asking you to just talk to me again!” Ruby sounded on the verge of tears, “I know I ruined things, I know you’ve moved on, but I still miss my BFF, I miss my partner, I miss you, and Penny, and Jaune, and Yang, and Blake and all of you!” She was definitely crying now, “please, just, I want to fix things.”

Weiss furrowed her brow, “It’s too late to fix things, Ruby,” she leaned back and sighed, “in case you forgot, my sister is in charge of the military, and she was kind enough to let me know that you let Cinder out of prison.”

“She deserves a second chance-“

“No she doesn’t!” Weiss roared, “Not everything can have a happy ending, Ruby, not everyone deserves to get better! She deserves to rot in prison for what she’s done to everyone, what she’s done to you!” She took a deep breath and leaned against her hand, “until you can realize that and grow up, we won’t be speaking. Goodbye, Ruby.”

The screen flashed off, and Ruby started crying louder, “damn it,” she started messing with something, and the screen flared to life again, “come on, pick up, please.”

“Ruby?” Yang Xiao Long stared tiredly at Ruby, her purple eyes half open, “it’s late, why are you calling?”

“Yang,” Ruby sounded shocked, “you picked up.”

“You called me at three in the morning, of course I answered,” she yawned, “what is it, sis?”

“I...I just...I miss you. We don’t talk anymore, I haven’t gotten to meet Lily, and…” she cried for a moment, “gods, I’m just a mess right now, I’m sorry.”

“Ruby,” Yang sighed, “you know why we don’t talk, right?”

“I know, but-“

“You’re obsessed, Rubes, with giving everyone their happy ending, even if they don’t deserve it,” she yawned again, “I know that’s all you’ve ever wanted, to protect people, to be the hero, but some people don’t deserve to be saved.”

“Yang-“

“Look, Ruby, it’s late, and I don’t want to fight,” she paused for a moment, “I’ll talk with Blake tomorrow, maybe we’ll bring Lily by in a week or two, we can catch up,” she smiled, “it...it would be nice to talk, you know, face to face.”

“Y-yeah, that...yeah,” Ruby laughed a bit, “I’m sorry, I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

“I’m a mom, Ruby, I don’t sleep,” she laughed as well, “I just take very long naps,” a baby started crying in the background, “speaking of, I’ll let you go, bye, Ruby.”

“Bye, sis,” Ruby hung up, then started crying again.

Cinder furrowed her brow, why was Ruby still crying, she was getting what she wanted? She shook her head, it wasn’t any of her business, she should just head back to bed.

But she didn’t, she moved down to the first floor, walking over to the living room and whispering, “Ruby?”

“Cinder,” Ruby jumped a bit and turned to face her, “what are you doing up?”

“Your call was loud,” Cinder explained.

“Sorry,” she wiped her eyes, “h-how much did you hear?”

“Not much,” Cinder lied, “but you started crying...and I thought I should check up on you...since you’ve done that for me,” that was less of a lie. There was something else pushing her besides the want to pay an imagined debt.

“Oh, yeah,” she wiped her eyes again, “it’s…” she laughed, “god, I can’t even come up with an excuse that doesn’t make me sound insane.”

“You don’t sound insane.”

“I’m obsessed with making people happy,” Ruby shook her head, “that’s insane.”

Cinder agreed, but for different reasons than Ruby most likely did. To her, making people happy was a wasted effort, unless that person could give her something she wanted, “it’s not,” she couldn’t say what she was thinking, so she just kept lying, “you...are a kind person...the world needs more people like you.” Another half-lie. The world didn’t need more Rubys.

“Everyone I care about would disagree,” Ruby laughed to herself, “but thank you.”

Cinder nodded, then did the next thing that came to mind. She offered her hand, “you...should head to bed, it’s too late to be up.”

Ruby stared at her hand for a moment, then smiled and took it, “you’re right,” she held onto Cinder’s hand for a few moments, then let go, “sorry to bother you, goodnight, Cinder.”

Cinder nodded and followed her up the stairs before responding, “goodnight.”


	5. Taking Time to Adjust

On the morning of Cinder’s third week with Ruby, she answered the door as the bell constantly rang.

“Ruby…” Yang was on the other side of the door, her bright smile falling away as Cinder opened the door, “oh.”

“She said you’d be coming,” Cinder sighed and stepped out of the way, “although I think she expected you later, since she’s in the shower.”

“Right,” Yang stepped inside, and Blake followed behind, a golden haired babe in her arms, “Ruby, we’re here!”

“Be right down!” Ruby’s voice called back.

“Okay!” Yang sighed and looked back at Cinder, who was leaning against the doorway to the living room, “so, Cinder…” she moved her hands in circles, clearly trying to find the right words, “how is it, living here?”

“Better than a prison cell,” Cinder responded, “your sister has been...a good host.”

“That sounds like Ruby,” Blake said with a smile while rocking the baby in her arms, “has she talked about us at all?”

“Only about how you cut yourselves off from her completely,” Cinder kept her face calm, but the way Yang and Blake both flinched back made her want to smile.

“Right,” Yang rubbed the back of her neck and looked around, “the house looks nice.”

“Despite how unorganized she tends to be, Ruby maintains a clean house,” Cinder nodded affirmatively, “and, of course, I help where I can.”

“Well, that’s nice of you.”

“It’s only repaying what Ruby has done for me,” Cinder explained with a shake of her head, “it isn’t being nice.” That was a very small lie, something Cinder had gotten quite good at telling to avoid her emotions.

“I’m here, I’m sorry!” Ruby ran down the stairs, a smile on her face, her hair still slightly wet, “Yang!” She wrapped her sister in a big hug and laughed, “oh, I missed you so much!” She detached from her sister and ran over to Blake, before stopping right in front of her, “Blake, I missed you too.” Her voice dropped to a bit above a whisper, “is that…”

“Lily Xiao Long-Belladonna,” Blake smiled and turned the baby so Ruby could see her better, “say hi to your niece.”

“Oh, she’s so precious,” Ruby smiled wider, “best of both of her parents.” She reached down and petted the golden ears, “how old is she now?”

“Almost a year,” Blake rocked her more as she started moving in her arms, “still hasn’t said her first word, but she’s a babbler.”

“Awww,” Ruby’s eyes were wide and sparkling, until Cinder cleared her throat loudly, “oh, right, brunch!”

Cinder smirked, “you know, if you’d woken up earlier, you’d be finishing it already.”

“You could have cooked, Cinder.” Yang said with a glare.

“Nope, she burns anything she touches,” Ruby said while she busied herself in the kitchen, “we’ve tried a few times, anything she makes comes out looking like a hunk of coal.”

“Really?” Yang looked at her sister, then sighed, “Well, I’d rather not eat that, so...you want some help, sis?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Ruby stopped and smiled at her, “just like old times.”

“Great,” Yang looked over at Blake, “You gonna be okay, babe?”

“Of course. I’m gonna go sit down with Lily.” Blake walked into the living room, and Cinder followed, “oh, Cinder…”

“It’s better to not sit alone,” Cinder sat down near her, “a habit that’s rub off on me, I guess.”

“Oh,” Blake nodded and looked away, “you...you seem a lot...better.”

“Hmph, if you say so,” Cinder looked down at the baby in Blake’s arms, “your daughter is very peaceful, unlike her mother.”

“Yeah, she takes after me like that,” Blake smiled and rubbed Lily’s head, “but Yang can be peaceful too,” her hand stopped, “I guess...you only knew her as an enemy.”

“I suppose,” Cinder looked away, then jumped as Lily started crying.

“Oh, someone’s cranky now,” Blake sighed, stood up, and started bouncing her, “shh, Lily, it’s okay.”

Cinder sat completely still, her eye watching the child as she cried. She wasn’t sure why, but it made her uncomfortable, to be so close to something so...vulnerable. Even as she calmed down and stopped crying, Cinder continued to watch her, as if any movement from her would set the baby off again.

“There you go, that’s better,” Blake smiled down at her daughter, “who’s mama’s favorite girl?”

“It’s me,” Yang entered the living room, placing a kiss in between Blake’s ears, “Cinder, Ruby wanted to talk to you in the kitchen before we eat.”

Cinder snapped out of her strange trance and quickly stood up, “right, thank you.” She walked to the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway as she saw Ruby with tears nearly falling, “Ruby, what’s wrong?”

“I...I’m sorry,” she shook her head and rubbed her eyes, “I thought she would be different, but...Yang isn't comfortable with you around.”

“So she wants me to leave,” Ruby nodded slowly, “what do you want?”

“I don’t think it’s fair to you to make you leave-“

“That’s not what I asked,” Cinder growled, her anger starting to break through, “what do you want?”

Ruby stared at the ground for a moment, then looked up at her and sniffled, “I want you to stay.”

“You swear?”

“Yeah, I swear,” Ruby smiled, “help me set the table?”

“I suppose I should.” Cinder smirked and started taking plates from Ruby as she handed them over, running dishes and silverware back and forth until everything was set.

“Come get it!” Ruby shouted before sitting down and smiling as Cinder sat down near her.

“Finally, I am ready to…” Yang trailed off of her joyous cheer as she saw Cinder sitting at the table.

“Sit down, before your food gets cold.” Cinder smirked and started eating.

“Ruby,” Yang sat down and glared at her sister while Blake sat next to her, “I thought we talked about this.”

“We did,” Ruby nodded and took a bite, “but Cinder is her own person, and it’s not my decision to make.” She exuded confidence that made the spark in Cinder’s chest flare for a moment, “She’s a guest in my house.”

Yang’s hand tightened around her fork, and she pointed it at Ruby, “Ruby-“

“End of discussion, Yang.” Ruby pointed her fork back at her sister.

The table fell silent, watching the interaction between the two sisters until, finally, Yang relented and started eating, “ugh, it’s cold.”

Cinder couldn’t help the smirk that accompanied her response, “well, if you spent less time hating every decision your sister makes and more time eating, it would still be warm.”

Again the table fell silent, but this time it was cut short by Blake giggling.

“Don't laugh at that.” Yang mumbled, her cheeks turning pink as she started eating faster.

“S-sorry, it’s just,” she laughed a bit louder, “it’s so true!”

“Blake-“

“Sorry, dear,” she giggled a bit more, then looked over at Cinder, “if I’m being honest, I was never as bothered by Ruby’s decision as the rest of them.”

“Then why didn’t you keep in touch?” Ruby asked quietly.

Blake jabbed a thumb at Yang, who turned an even darker red, “I...made the choice to prioritize my relationship with Yang...but I do regret it, especially seeing you now,” she looked between Ruby and Cinder, “I missed the heart warming smile of my sister-in-law.”

Ruby blushed as well, turning a very similar color to Yang, “I missed you guys too, I really, really did. I never expected you to agree with everything I did, but losing you all over this has been...it’s been terrible, honestly.”

“I’m sorry,” Yang mumbled, “you know that, right?”

“I know,” Ruby nodded, “and I understand why it happened, which doesn’t make it easier, but, you know.”

“Yeah,” Yang looked over at Cinder and sighed, “for what it’s worth, you...you’re adjusting well, and I respect that.”

Cinder nodded, “I suppose I should apologize for all the pain I’ve put you all through,” she sighed, “I know an apology means nothing, but I am sorry for it.”

“An apology isn’t nothing,” Yang assured her, “it’s a start, and...I don’t know if I’ll ever, you know, completely forgive you, but...you haven’t killed Ruby in her sleep yet, so I guess that’s something.”

Cinder smirked again, “it would be an inconvenience at this point, it’s not worth it.”

“And I’m gonna pull us away from casual talks about homicide,” Blake said quickly, “Cinder, Ruby said you were having trouble looking for a job?”

Cinder gritted her teeth and looked away, “yes, it’s been...difficult.”

Blake readjusted Lily in her arms, “well, where have you been applying?”

“Anywhere willing to hire a crippled war criminal,” Cinder smirked, mostly to mask her anger, “it’s...slim pickings, as Ruby described it.”

“Well...you could always come work for me,” Blake suggested, “the bookstore has been hectic lately, and I could use the help.”

Cinder looked over at Ruby, then back at Blake, “I thought you were a huntress.”

“I am, the bookstore has just been a passion project for the last year or so,” Blake smiled, “and since my beautiful wife is such an amazing mother,” she leaned over and kissed Yang on the cheek, “she’s been taking care of Lily while I work the store, but with some extra help, I could help raise my daughter.”

Cinder sighed, “I...I can’t just take your money.”

“Don't worry, you won’t be. I’ll work you to the bone,” She assured her, “call it the start of making it up to us.”

Again Cinder looked at Ruby, “I...that’s…a very generous offer...but I don’t know...if I can accept,” she got a nod from Ruby, “I do appreciate it.”

Blake looked between the two of them before raising an eyebrow, “why do I feel like I missed something?”

“It’s nothing, Blake,” Ruby gave her a smile, “hey, why don’t you and Yang head into the living room, and me and Cinder will clean up.” It wasn’t a request, although Ruby certainly framed it as one. She didn’t even wait for them to respond before gathering all the plates and silverware into one large pile and walking into the kitchen.

Cinder followed quietly, waiting for Ruby to start working before whispering, “thank you.”

“It’s fine, you did good,” Ruby smiled at her, “I’m glad you’ve gotten better at...containing your anger.”

“I...yeah,” Cinder shook her head and casually pushed Ruby to the side, taking over the washing, “go spend time with your family, I’ll handle this.”

“Cinder, you don’t have to-“

“I need some time alone,” Cinder mumbled, “please, Ruby.”

“Oh, Right,” Ruby nodded and stepped away, “you sure you’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” A small lie, and one that she felt bad telling, but still found necessary. Once Ruby had left for certain, Cinder growled and put herself into her work. She hated how Blake had treated her, like she was pitiable. She didn’t need help, and she definitely didn’t need pity.

But she did need a job, she needed a way to start paying Ruby back, because the weight, no matter how much she actually deserved it, was driving her crazy. She hated being indebted to someone, even if that someone was possibly the nicest woman on the face of Remnant and only wanted what was best for Cinder.

She felt her cheeks start to burn, and it took a moment before she realized she was blushing. She was blushing, she was getting flustered at her own thoughts of Ruby, and she hated that she didn’t hate it. It was a nice feeling, a warmth that spread through her body, it made her sick, but not in a bad way. Even still, she did everything in her power to force it down.

That warmth wasn’t helpful, it would just make things worse, so she buried it. Deep into the depths of her heart, where no one, not even herself, could ever save it. With that done, she let out a shaky sigh, and finished washing the dishes.

When Cinder left the kitchen, she was surprised to see Yang sitting at the kitchen table, “I thought you’d be spending time with Ruby.”

“She’s playing with Lily right now, and I wanted to ask you something,” she raised her robotic arm, “why don’t you have one of these?”

Cinder glared at her. How dare she have the audacity to ask her something like that? “Because, unlike you, I don’t need one.”

“Yeah, uh huh,” Yang sighed, “look, I’m sure if it was you and Ruby having this conversation, she’d sugarcoat it, but I’m not her,” she pointed a finger at Cinder, “so I’m gonna tell you that that is a bullshit excuse, and I would know, I thought the exact same way when I lost my arm.”

Cinder’s hand curled into a fist, “so what, I need an arm to be better?”

“Hmph,” Yang smirked, “yeah, that won’t work on me,” she reached into her pocket, pulled out her wallet, and then a business card, “perks of, well, losing my arm in a terrorist attack and then fighting in a war that seemed impossible to win, I’m pretty much a go to to do talks for disabled hunters and soldiers, especially those who feel that replacing what they’ve lost is unnecessary.” she set the card on the table, “Listen, I know how it feels, to want to treat your loss as the new normal, to try and be strong without everything you once had, but it helps to feel whole again, trust me.” Cinder scowled and looked away, “The phantom limbs, the nightmares, they’ll become negligible, maybe even nonexistent.” Cinder flinched, but said nothing, “I know it’s hard to admit you need help, I really do, but at some point, you’ll have to,” she stood up and tapped the business card, “just...give this a chance, if not for yourself...then do it for Ruby.”

“Why would I do that?” Cinder spoke through gritted teeth, her nails digging into her palm.

“Because she stuck her neck out for you, lost so much for you,” Yang sighed, “and I know I didn’t help, but the least you could do is be grateful and help yourself.”

Cinder’s hand relaxed, and she nabbed the card off of the table before turning away, “I’ll think about it.”


	6. Taking the First Step

After her encounter with Yang, Cinder had gone up to her room and stared at the business card. For what felt like hours she read the number and name on the card, ran her fingers along the edges, trying to make it make sense.

What possible reason could Ruby’s sister have to give her this, to treat her like she knew what was best for her? She was fine without another arm, she had lasted years without it, she didn’t need it, did she?

No, she didn’t. She was just...thinking about it too much, she had already made her decision, and it wasn’t going to change. She sighed, laid down, and closed her eyes, then opened them as she heard a knock at the door, “who is it?”

“Who else?” Ruby’s voice came through, and Cinder smirked, “mind if I come in, or do you still want to be alone?”

She stared up at the ceiling for a moment. Did she want to be alone? Yes, she did, no question about it, but...she also wanted Ruby to be next to her.

Her cheeks started to burn, and she quickly tried to bury the feeling again, her stomach turning, but in a way she was unfamiliar with.

Ruby knocked again, “Do you want me to leave, is that why you’re being quiet?”

“N-no, you can come in,” Cinder muttered before rolling to face the opposite wall, putting her back to Ruby as she entered, “are they gone?”

“Yeah, Lily started acting up, and I could tell they really wanted to leave,” she sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, “it was nice having them over, but trying to cram two years of silence into a few hours of conversation wasn’t easy.” She laughed to herself, “Hey, are you okay?”

Cinder didn’t know how to respond. Physically, she was fine. Mentally, she was struggling. And emotionally, it was a nightmare. But that wasn’t Ruby’s problem, it was hers, so she just nodded and mumbled, “Yeah.”

“So, there isn’t anything you want to talk about?” Ruby asked, sarcasm dripping from her words, “not even this business card for the Loss Rehabilitation Center that Yang gave you?”

Cinder’s body reflexively curled into a ball, “I nearly attacked her for that.”

“I’m sure,” Ruby patted Cinder on the leg, “roll over, let’s talk about this.”

“I’ve already made my choice, and-“ she stopped talking as Ruby rolled her over herself, smiling innocently as Cinder scowled, “Don't do that.”

“Well, I think we should have this talk again,” Ruby dropped her smile, “I know you don’t want to, but...I think you need a little push in the right direction.”

“And what’s that? Replacing a piece of myself that I have been just fine without for years?” She rolled her eyes and her scowl deepened.

“No…” Ruby paused for a moment, “well, yes, but what I mean is talking about it and giving it some actual consideration.”

“I have.” Cinder growled and sat up.

“Then why don’t you want to do this?”

“Because I don’t need to, I’ve been fine without it.”

“Really, have you?”

“Yes!”

“So if you had both of your arms, you wouldn’t be happier?”

Cinder started to respond, but her heart wouldn’t let her. She knew it would be a lie, and it wasn’t a lie she could get away with, “I…”

“I’m not trying to ridicule you, Cinder. I just think you...you need a completely honest, completely neutral perspective on your situation, and then...you can decide what you want.”

Cinder sighed, then snatched the card from Ruby, “fine, I will call them...and then you’ll see that I was right.”

“Okay, if that’s what happens, I will apologize for everything, and...I’ll find a way to make it up to you,” Ruby looked Cinder in the eye, “but, if you’re wrong, you…have to let me help more.”

“Fine.” Cinder pulled out her scroll, “You can go.”

“I want to make sure you actually-“

“I’ll do it!” Cinder snapped, then internally flinched as Ruby flinched as well, “I mean...I need to be alone for this, please.”

“Right, yeah, I’ll give you some space.” Ruby left the room quickly.

Cinder took a few deep breaths. She didn’t want to snap, but she could feel it all welling up inside of her. Her hand tightened around her scroll, and for a brief moment she considered throwing it across the room. Then she took another deep breath.

She knew Ruby was doing what she thought was right, she was just trying to help, like always, and...at this point she owed Ruby at least this much. That was the only reason she was considering this, because she owed Ruby a debt.

Cinder repeated the silent thought as she opened her scroll and started dialing, not to keep herself going, but to convince herself that it was true.

The scroll started to ring, and she steeled herself as a voice came through, “Thank you for calling the Loss Rehabilitation Center, how may I help you?”

Cinder paused, unsure of what to say next. This was beyond what she knew how to do, as much as she was loath to admit it, “I, uh…” she cleared her throat and said the first thing that came to mind, “I...was given this number and told to call about…a consultation?”

“Of course! Let me ask you a few basic questions, and we can get this set up. First, can I get your name?”

“It’s...Cinder Fall.” She expected them to hang up upon hearing her name, and was shocked when they continued.

“Alright, Ms. Fall, what is or was your occupation at the time of loss?”

“I was...a soldier.” A simple lie, but it still hurt to say.

“Okay, and what would be a good day for you to come in?”

“I...let me check,” she got out of bed and hurried downstairs, finding Ruby sitting in the living room, “R-Ruby, what would be a good time for this?”

She knew she’d made a mistake as soon as she saw Ruby’s eyes light up and a smile play at her face, “hmm, I guess it’s up to you, isn’t it? Why are you asking me?”

Cinder sighed, “I...I know you’ll want to be there, so I’m asking you.” Ruby’s smile grew, and she felt her stomach flutter.

“Ask if tomorrow will work.”

Cinder repeated the question and got an immediate response, “yes it will, how does 1:00 sound for you?”

“Works for me,” Ruby responded when Cinder repeated the question to her.

“That should work.” Cinder mumbled.

“Perfect! Then we will see you at 1:00 tomorrow, Ms. Fall, have a wonderful day!”

“You too.” She hung up, then glared at Ruby as she kept smiling, “wipe the smile off your face.”

“What, I’m just proud of you,” Ruby kept her smile, “I know it took a lot of willpower to make that call, and I’m proud.”

“Hmph,” Cinder couldn’t deny the way the spark flared when she heard that, but she could pretend to, “if you hadn’t pushed me, I wouldn’t be doing it at all, I don’t deserve the praise.”

“I disagree,” Ruby insisted, “I can push you all I want, but you have to take the first step.”

“But I wouldn’t have been able to take that step without you.” Cinder sneered, before realizing exactly what she’d said and blushing, “I mean-“

“Nope, you can’t take it back,” Ruby teased, “you just admitted you needed my help,” she laughed a bit, “you’re so adamant to not accept any praise that you admitted you need me,” she locked eyes with Cinder, “how’s that feel?”

“Like this,” Cinder growled and formed a knife in her hand, then pointed it threateningly around Ruby, “as in, this never happened, or else.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” Ruby sighed, “I am still proud of you.”

“Hmph,” Cinder dismissed the knife and looked away, “we have to be there at 1:00, so I’ll need to sleep.”

“Cinder, it’s not even past lunch-“

“I’m going to sleep.” She hopes that Ruby would get what she meant.

“Oh, sure, have a good night,” Ruby sighed again, “do you...want me to make you something, in case you get hungry?”

“I’ll be fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~   
  


Cinder’s thoughts and dreams were plagued with recurring visions of Grimm, one Grimm in particular.

“Cinder, dear,” Salem’s voice shook her to the core, “I have a gift for you.”

Cinder looked up at the towering figure of her former master, her crippled arm clutched in the other as she tried and failed to speak, “A...I…”

“As a...reward for claiming the powers of the Fall maiden,” Cinder recognized the pause now, it was Salem’s way of hiding the truth, a habit Cinder herself still emulated, “an arm.” She took the stump of Cinder’s arm, and all she wanted to do was pull away, but Salem held tight and wove from magic and Grimm, an arm dark as shadow.

It burned and made Cinder want to scream, but her voice was still weak, and all she could do was gasp and choke on her pain. Even after Salem pulled away, it still hurt, it never stopped hurting. She had suppressed the pain before, to be strong, if only she’d recognized sooner that it was the Grimm consuming her flesh.

“It suits you well,” Salem smiled at her, an evil, knowing smile, and all Cinder could do was nod and croak.

Her mind jumped ahead, to her final battle with Ruby, to when the Grimm was purged from her.

She had fought, and fought, and fought, but the silver-eyes girl had bested her again and again, and this time she couldn’t escape.

“Go on then,” Cinder was leaning back against a wall, one that she had crawled to to try and stand back up, “kill me!”

Ruby had looked tired, even apprehensive, but she still nodded, “I’m sorry.”

Cinder hadn’t understood why she apologized, not then, but she did now. Ruby had wanted to save her, even as her silver eyes glowed with power, and white light bathed Cinder in cleansing fire, she had wanted to save her.

Cinder’s mind moved again, this time to emptiness, and she walked around for a while, trying to make sense of it.

“Cinder,” Ruby’s voice scared her, and she turned around, but there was nothing, “Cinder, you’ve gotta wake up!”

She opened her eyes, and saw Ruby standing over her, concern on her face, “What are you doing?”

“Wondering why you’re on the floor, mostly,” Ruby sighed and pulled Cinder to a sitting position, “did you roll out of bed?”

Cinder looked around and realized she was, in fact, sitting on the floor, a few feet from her bed, which was a mess of tangled sheets and blankets, “I...must have.”

“Well, get dressed, cause we have half an hour before your consultation,” Ruby walked to the door, then stopped, “I made you lunch, if you’re hungry.”

“Th-thank you,” Cinder stood up, ready to say more, but Ruby had already left. It made her hurt, and then she realized it was making her hurt, and buried it. Ruby was just giving her privacy, there was no reason to be upset about it.

No reason at all.


	7. A Choice

Cinder stood in line, Ruby at her side, just waiting to get to the front desk. She was surprised to see as many people as she did, considering the time of day. Despite the amount of people, the line moved rather quickly, and it wasn’t long before they were near the front.

“I can help whoever is next!” The secretary raised her hand and waved Cinder and Ruby over, “Hello! How are you doing today?”

“I’m...good,” Cinder mumbled in response, “uh, Cinder Fall, for a consultation at 1:00.”

“Alright, one second,” she tapped on her keyboard a few times, “okay, you’re all set, ms. Fall, just have a seat over there,” she pointed to a sitting room on the left, “and the doctor will be out to get you soon.”

Cinder nodded and stuttered out, “th-thank you.” She nodded again and walked over to the waiting room, sitting away from everyone except Ruby, who sat next to her, “I hate this.”

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” Ruby patted her leg, “you just talk to them, tell them the truth,” she stressed that by patting Cinder’s leg again, “and you’ll be done.”

“Ugh,” Cinder looked around the room. It was, in her opinion, too small, cramped and full of people, and they were all judging her. She could tell, every time they looked their eyes filled with a million emotions, none of them good. Every time they looked, her heart beat faster, her breathing got quicker, and she wanted to be anywhere else, “it’s hot in here.” She pulled at her collar, “right, it is hot in here?”

“Cinder, calm down-“

“I am calm!” Cinder snapped, “all I said is that it was hot!”

“Okay, hey, breathe with me-“

“I’m breathing fine!”

“Cinder, you’re panicking, you need to calm down.”

“I’m not, I’m fine!” She grabbed the arm of her chair, and it started to melt under her touch, “I am completely fine!”

“Cinder!” Ruby reached across and grabbed her hand, holding it between her own as she stared up at her, “listen to me. Deep breaths, okay?”

Cinder started to argue, then relented, taking short, slow breaths, as that’s all her lungs would allow. Eventually, they became longer, slower breaths, and she pulled her hand away to bury her face in it, “kill me.”

“We crossed that bridge,” Ruby joked, then stopped as soon as Cinder glared at her, “sorry, I know we talked about that.”

“Whatever,” Cinder mumbled and sank into her chair, her heart beginning to race again. She didn’t know why, but the entire thing made her uncomfortable, and not knowing what was going to happen next only made it worse, “how long have we been sitting here?”

“Like five minutes,” Ruby looked at her scroll, “just be patient, there’s a lot of people here.”

“I am patient,” Cinder insisted, “but I also want this done and over with.”

“Why, ready to finally have two arms again?”

“I’m ready for you to shut up about it.” Cinder growled, “and you will.”

“If you say so.”

They both fell silent, the time passing slowly as they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After what felt like an eternity, the doctor finally came out, “Cinder?”

She jolted as her name was called, then quickly stood up, “that’s me.”

“If you could come with me,” he waved a metal hand, and Cinder nodded and followed, “we will be right over here,” he pointed to a room on the left, letting Cinder walk in before saying, “Have a seat, I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Cinder did as she was asked, sitting awkwardly in the chair and examining the room. Everything was white or close enough, and it smelled sterile. It made her uncomfortable, and she remembered her time in the Atlas hospital.

It had been much the same, rooms that were too white and smelled too clean, filled with doctors and nurses that bombarded her with questions and drugs and everything they could think of. It was a sort of hell, never giving Cinder a true moment of rest.

“Ms. Fall?” The doctor came back, pulling her from her past suddenly, “Hello, I’m Dr. Auburn.”

“Hello,” she didn’t make eye contact with him, “you can just call me Cinder.”

“Well, Cinder, I understand you’re here for a consultation,” she nodded, “okay, well, let’s get some basic questions out of the way first.”

“What kind of questions?”

“Nothing difficult, for example, age?”

“Twenty seven.”

“Okay, date of birth?”

The question gave Cinder pause. She’d never cared to remember her birthday, simply adding one to her age at the beginning of each year, “uh, September twenty-second.” It was the first date to come to her head.

“Any medications that you’re currently taking?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he wrote down a few more things, “now, how long has it been since you lost your arm?”

“It will be seven years this year.” She clutched her shoulder and sighed, “but...only four years with nothing.”

“Hmm,” he looked up at her, “could you elaborate on that?”

“I…” her grip tightened on her shoulder, and her breathing got faster, “I...was one of Salem’s inner circle,” she paused, expecting panic or hate to be flung at her, but neither came, “I lost...half of my arm at the fall of Beacon, and was given a Grimm as replacement.”

“Ah,” he noted that down, “I thought I recognized the name.” She scoffed and said nothing, “so, when Salem was defeated, you lost the replacement as well?” She nodded, “okay.” He wrote something else down, “would you be against showing what remains of your arm?”

She scowled, “Why?”

“It helps to see what is lost, so we can do our best to help you,” he smiled, “if you are against it, then you need not do it.”

Cinder was against it, absolutely and completely, so why was she so hesitant to simply say no? Maybe because she knew it wouldn’t help to be obstinate, maybe because she didn’t want to let Ruby down-

Why did she care what Ruby thought? She didn’t, at all, what she thought didn’t matter. Right?

“Here.” She mumbled and pushed her cloak aside, revealing the remains of her arm.

“Hmm, minimal scar tissue, but no interface,” he looked her in the eye, “is it too much of me to assume that’s why you are here?”

“No,” she put the cloak back and looked away.

“Then may I ask why you don’t currently have one?”

“Because I don’t need it,” she grabbed her shoulder again and growled, “I don’t need a new arm, I am completely fine without it!”

“Of course you are,” he said genuinely, “but, you still set up this consultation, so you must have doubts.”

“I don’t!” Cinder shouted, “I don’t need another arm!”

“You’re right, you don’t need one,” he spoke calmly, “in fact, there are quite a few people that live perfectly well with their loss, they accept it, and they live above it. But you, Ms. Fall, there is something still holding you down, and whether that is pain or trauma, we are here to help you-“

“I don’t need help!” She screamed, tears in her eye, “I don’t need help from anyone! I don't need help, or an arm, or anything!”

“Okay, you don’t need help, but you need something, or else you would not have made this appointment.”

“I don’t!” The tears started falling, and Cinder clutched her head as she sobbed, “I don’t need another fucking arm that isn’t mine! I don’t need to hurt all the time! I don’t need it, I don’t want it!” She devolved into tears and nothing else, pulling herself into a ball to hide from the shame she felt.

She was weak. She was weak and powerless and afraid and a coward. She cried and screamed like a child and she didn’t even deserve to be where she was.

“Cinder,” the doctor spoke quietly, “I’m going to say something, you might not like it, but I’m going to say it,” Cinder didn’t respond, and he continued, “it is extremely likely that you suffer from PTSD in regards to your arm and what happened to it, and that is what is holding you back.”

Cinder shook her head, “I don’t…I’m not...I’m fine.”

“You are not. You need therapy, you need to take a serious look at the trauma you have suffered and how it is affecting you, all of which we can help you with here.”

“I can’t…” she shook her head, “I can’t think, it hurts, my arm!” She grabbed at nothing and cried harder, “R-Ruby, help!” It was a spur of the moment cry, and she meant it. She needed Ruby to help, she needed her right now, “please!”

“Ruby, she’s the woman that came with you?” Cinder sobbed harder, and the doctor moved to the door, “could you fetch Ruby from the waiting room and bring her here?”

“N-no,” Cinder shook her head more, “she can’t...see me!” She didn’t want Ruby to see her, to mock her for her weakness, to tell her that she had been wrong.

The door opened as Ruby burst through, rushing to Cinder’s side and whispering, “Cinder, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay!”

“No, no, no…” she cried harder as Ruby took her hand and held it between her own, “I can’t!”

“Shhh, you’re okay, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you know that,” Ruby squeezed her hand, “can you breathe with me?”

“It hurts-“

“Shh, don’t talk, just breathe,” Ruby scooted closer to her, pressing their foreheads together, “block everything out, just focus on breathing, okay?”

Cinder tried. She closed her eye and tried to ignore the shame burning inside of her, the feeling of powerlessness, the fact that she had let out so much emotion and pain that she had tried to keep inside, and the feeling of being better afterwards.

“That’s better,” Ruby smiled as Cinder’s tears stopped flowing and her breaths became easier, “do you want to go? We can if you want-“

“No,” Cinder squeezed Ruby’s hand, then pulled away and wiped her eye, “I’m sorry, you were right-“

“Hey, don’t say that,” Ruby laughed quietly, “I was pushy-“

“I needed that push,” Cinder sighed, then looked past Ruby to the doctor, “when can we fix this?” She shrugged her shoulder.

“Cinder-“

“Not fixing, Ms. Fall, just helping,” he smiled the tiniest bit, “and the earliest would be a few weeks, if that’s what you want, but it would require you to work through at least some of your trauma through therapy.”

Cinder scowled, then nodded, “Fine,” she looked back at Ruby, who had pulled back, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just, didn’t expect it to be this easy.”

“It wasn’t,” Cinder sighed, “I’ll...I’ll tell you when we get back.”

~~~~~~~~~~   
  


The walk back to the house had been quiet and awkward, with Cinder avoiding every question Ruby had tried to ask.

“Okay, we’re finally back,” Ruby said as she closed the door, “now will you tell me what’s going on?”

Cinder walked silently into the living room, waiting for Ruby to sit down before saying, “this...is your fault-“

“Cinder, I’m sorry-“

“No! Stop that, stop...apologizing for everything!” She growled, “I’m not blaming you! I’m trying to ask for help!” She slammed her hand down on her leg, “I don’t know why, but I called out for you to help me, so you’re going to help me!”

Ruby was taken aback, but she quickly pushed her shock down, “How am I going to help?”

“I...I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay,” she glared at Ruby, “I need you to use your damned optimism and make me believe that this isn’t going to go like it did with Salem!”

“Cinder-“

“No, stop pitying me!” She roared, her hand digging into her leg, “I can hear it in your voice, I don’t need that, I need your help!”

“Cinder,” Ruby slowly stood and walked closer, and Cinder let her, “you’re going to be okay. I know it’s scary, you’ve been hurt like this before, but it’s different now, there’s no one trying to control you,” she offered her hand, and Cinder hesitantly grabbed it, “and, I’m sorry for pushing you, even if you say you needed it, I’m still sorry. It was never my place to decide what’s best for you, and to...to bully you into doing what I thought was best wasn’t fair...it wasn’t any better than what Salem did, and I’m sorry.”

“Don't do that,” Cinder growled, but so much softer, “do not compare yourself to that witch. You have always acted with the best of intentions...even when people didn’t deserve it.”

“I still hurt you, and I didn’t spend so long trying to help you just to hurt you more.”

“Yeah,” Cinder sighed and pulled her hand from Ruby’s grasp, “I’m...gonna go upstairs, but, until this happens,” she shrugged her shoulder, “I want you to tell me that it’s okay, don’t let me be a coward anymore.”

“Okay, I can do that,” she smiled and stepped back, letting Cinder stand up, “are you coming back down for dinner?”

“I’ll think about it.” Cinder smirked and walked up to her room, the spark in her chest filling her with warmth.


End file.
